I am not sure if my relationship is healthy

All relationships have disagreements from time to time. This is normal.

However, if arguments often happen, make you feel afraid, or follow a pattern, it could be a sign of an unhealthy or abusive relationship.

If something does not feel right, it is important to trust your feelings.

Signs that something may be wrong

Someone who is behaving abusively may try to excuse their actions by saying things like:

  • "I did not mean it"
  • "I was having a bad day"
  • "It only happened once"
  • "You made me do it"

Hearing these things may make you question your own feelings or experiences.

You may also notice that you have changed your behaviour because of how your partner treats you or your children. For example, you may:

  • feel anxious about upsetting them
  • avoid saying what you think
  • stop seeing friends or family
  • change your daily routine to avoid conflict
  • feel like you are always walking on eggshells

The person causing the harm is responsible for their behaviour. It is not your fault.

What a healthy relationship looks like

A healthy relationship should make you feel safe, respected and valued.

Healthy relationships are based on:

  • trust
  • respect
  • kindness
  • support
  • honesty
  • choice
  • consent
  • independence

You should feel able to make your own decisions and be yourself.

Talk to someone

If you are worried about your relationship, you can speak to a trained domestic abuse worker.

They can help you:

  • understand what is happening
  • explore your options
  • think about your safety
  • access support and advice

Talking about your personal life can feel difficult. Reaching out for support is often the first step towards getting help.

What you can expect from us

When you contact us, we will:

  • listen without judgement
  • take your concerns seriously
  • help you explore your options
  • support you to make safe choices for yourself and your children
  • treat your information confidentially

Confidentiality

In most cases, what you tell us will remain confidential.

There may be times when we need to share information to help keep you or your children safe. If this happens, we will explain:

  • what information we are sharing
  • why we are sharing it
  • who we are sharing it with

Signs of an unhealthy relationship

Every relationship is different, but some behaviours can be warning signs of abuse.

These can include:

  • controlling your actions or decisions
  • making you feel afraid
  • checking where you are or who you are with
  • constantly criticising or putting you down
  • isolating you from friends or family
  • controlling money or access to resources
  • making threats
  • blaming you for their behaviour
  • pressuring you into things you do not want to do

Recognising these signs can be an important first step.

Get support

If any of these behaviours sound familiar, support is available.

You do not have to deal with this on your own. Help is available to talk through your situation and support you to make informed choices about what happens next.