Guidance for people who want to change their behaviour
If you are worried about how you behave in a relationship, support is available.
Abusive behaviour is a choice. Recognising that there is a problem is an important first step towards making positive change.
What is abusive behaviour?
Abuse is any behaviour used to control, frighten, harm or force another person to do something they do not want to do.
It can happen in different ways and is not always physical.
Abusive behaviour can include:
- physical abuse, such as hitting, kicking or slapping
- emotional abuse, such as insults, humiliation or intimidation
- sexual abuse, such as pressuring or forcing someone into sexual activity
- financial abuse, such as controlling money or creating debts in someone else's name
- controlling or coercive behaviour, such as monitoring someone's movements or isolating them from friends and family
Abuse often becomes more serious over time if it is not addressed.
Ask yourself
You may need support to change your behaviour if you:
- feel jealous or possessive of your partner
- need to know where your partner is at all times
- become angry when your partner spends time with family or friends
- try to control what your partner wears or who they see
- call your partner names or put them down
- threaten to harm yourself if your partner wants to leave
- send excessive messages or repeatedly contact your partner
- monitor your partner's phone, emails or social media
- behave differently towards your partner when using alcohol or drugs
- use your size, strength or presence to intimidate someone
- blame your partner for your feelings or behaviour
- pressure or force your partner to do things they do not want to do
If you recognise any of these behaviours, it is important to take action.
Change is possible
Abusive behaviour affects partners, children and other family members.
Taking responsibility for your actions is the first step towards change.
Getting support can help you:
- understand your behaviour
- learn healthier ways to manage emotions and relationships
- develop respectful communication skills
- build safer relationships
Get support
It can be difficult to ask for help, but support is available.
By reaching out, you can begin making positive changes for yourself and the people around you.
If you are concerned about your behaviour in a relationship, contact a support service for advice and information about programmes that can help you make lasting changes.